He Couldn't Not Now
by zaibi12
Summary: Starting from the scene where Isis died. Cobert look back at how their relationship has altered and why. Some dialogues are by Julian Fellowes and all the actual storylines over the past 5 seasons are put into plot. I hope you'll like it, Cobert lovers :") Please do review :D x


He watched her half leaning on the bed back, holding his right hand on Isis' sleeping body. She fell asleep few hours after he placed Isis between them. She maintained her position, supporting him through his grief most of the night. He even tried to settle her in a more comfortable position but she was determined, even when asleep she wouldn't let go. She wanted to be with him, to show him that she was there for him , no matter what. As always.

Robert observed her sleeping form, his angelic wife slept soundly holding his hand. The moonlight making her porcelain skin shine in the darkened room. She was beautiful, she was so beautiful, so lovely, such a breath of fresh air.

He knew it was time so he moved once again to pick up Isis. As Robert slipped his hand out of his wife's firm grasp, her eyes fluttered and his careful attempt at not disturbing her, failed.

"Oh Robert, I'm sorry..I don't know when I fell asleep", she said, her eyes adjusting to the faint light.

He smiled thinking how adorable she looked when she wakes up. So flawless. But he wouldn't say that, he couldn't say that. Not now. Earlier that night he tried to speak from his heart and wanted to make sure she knew he loved her, but he couldn't quite get the words out directly so he used Isis to hide his discomfort. "Two people who love her and each other very much on either side", he had said and he saw her questioning eyes when she had replied, "I can only hope I can say the same when my time comes". He had felt embarrassed and he had lowered his eyes but Cora almost immediately took his hand in hers, silently understanding his actual meaning and in that position, a few hours later she had slept.

"It's alright, you were already in an uncomfortable position", Robert replied giving a light shake to their intertwined hands.

"No no, it's fine", she replied sitting up properly, "I'm not uncomfortable", she lied giving a small smile.

Robert's heart melted a little at this gesture. She was so nice to him. He wanted to kiss her forehead. But he couldn't. Not now. He replied with a sad voice as his mind swung back to the present situation in front of him.

"No problem any longer, Cora. She's gone".

Cora eyes widened and then understanding the meaning she saw Isis under her hand, her body still. Cora felt a deep pang of sadness at the sight in front of her.

"Oh, Robert, I'm so sorry". She replied with a warm tone.

Robert got off the bed and took Isis' body in his arms.

"I'll put her in my dressing room, it's too late to wake any footman now",he said as he took the dog's body with him to the dressing room.

Cora feeling guilty about her unexpected sleep, got off the bed and took steps only to sit on the other side of the bed. Her bare feet cold on the floor,she sighed, looking at the giant mirror in front of her which showed her whole form. She yawned and shook her head to get rid of the need for proper sleep, thinking she already blew up her promise to stay awake with Robert. She casually played with her night dress when Robert reappeared from his dresing room. His eyes, a little more redder, a little more sadder. She wanted to wrap him in her embrace and make him happy again but she couldn't. Not now.

Robert sat down with her, both staring each other through the large mirror in front of them. Robert felt her gentle touch on his arm.

"How are you feeling?" , she awkwardly questioned.

"Empty..",he replied almost immediately.

She gently rubbed her hand up and down the the length of his arm, in attempts to comfort him.

He sadly laughed at himself, refusing to look into her eyes.

"Of course people would say I'm crazy, acting this way and crying over a dog", he stated, still looking at the mirror in front of him.

Cora sat down in front of him, placing her soft hands of on his knees. The scene reminding him of the scene couple of years ago when he had lost the money on a stupid railway investment.

"Robert Crawley, why are you so hard on yourself?"

Understanding her American-ness he looked into her eyes. They were full of care and support. Her long lashes fluttered as she waited for a response. He wanted to take her face in his hands and kiss each of her eyelids. But he couldn't. Not now.

"Whatever do you mean?", he replied confused at the change of topic.

"I mean, why do you always do this to yourself? Question and cover up your emotions? You are not crazy for crying over Isis. She has been with you for such a long time, she was your best friend and when one loses a best friend, he or she has all the right in the world to cry over such a loss", she replied softly with her sweet voice.

He wondered to himself, Cora, his Cora always looking at the positive, always there for him. If he had married an english women, she would have started embarrassing him because of his crying, facting that he's not being a "man" or the "wall" or more than anything "being a kid". He knew it. He has seen his own cousin, Susan, how rudely she talks to Shrimpie. But not Cora, not his sweet darling Cora. He wanted to take her in his arms, like he did all those years ago, but he couldn't. Not now.

"But I'm suppose to be the strong one"

"So? Do you think crying makes you less strong? Or makes you fragile?",her eyes narrowed which caused a lump in Robert's throat.

She saw his terrified face and let out a low chuckle. She took his hand like she did earlier that night and continued.

"Robert, it's alright to cry. I know she meant a lot to you, I would be crying my eyes out if such a horrid disease attacked you, and I wouldn't care whoever watched. Not because I'm a women, because I'm a human being and well, they need to cry every now and then", Cora finished with a small smile.

Robert smiled back but stopped when he remembered his coping strategy when Cora was attacked by a life threatening disease. He hadn't cry. Oh no, he didn't. He cried in front of his family and the footman when he realized that Isis had ovarian cancer. He had cried over the loss of money. But he had made out with a maid when Cora was almost dying.

Cora took in his changed, ashamed expressions, remembering the exact same time.

"You are so good to me. You are always so good to me", Robert blurted as he continued to stare into her ocean-like eyes.

It was true. She had always been so good to him. No matter what. Most of time even when it was his own fault, she continued to be so nice to him. Even now, with Bricker, he never understood the reason for her flirting with him but when a week ago she indirectly reminded him of his "flirtations" with other women, he came to his senses and cut his crappy ignorance act.

Cora smiled at his unexpected comment. "That's my job, my darling".

Hearing "darling" again brought another wave of tears to his eyes. He wanted to kiss her face and stroke her cheeks but he couldn't. Not now.

"But it isn't Cora",his comment left Cora confused and he continued to explain.

"I have been very unfair to you. Not just because of that Bricker but generally otherwise as well. I have never been the kind of a husband you deserve. That Bricker was right, I'm a blind fool who chose to treat you in a way you never deserved".

This brought tears to Cora's eyes and she took his hand and kissed it's palm. The loving gesture made Robert shut his eyes and it reminded him how much he had missed this. But then again, it was his fault, he shut her out every time she even tried to be near him or talk to him but he did what he does best, ruining things.

"Cora, can I ask you something?" Robert took both her hands in his and looked at how perfectly they fit into his.

"Y-yes", Cora hesitated a bit before approving.

"Why did you flirt with him?" ,he asked the question which had been haunting his mind.

Cora taken aback, looked down at their intertwined hands, embarrassed.

Robert noticing her discomfort, continued. He has never been good with words.

"I know you didn't invite him to our room. I know it", he took her chin in his fingers and noticed the glassy eyes she had been hiding. He cursed himself for being, yet again the reason for her sadness but he needed to know. He wanted to change the topic but he couldn't. Not now. He needed to know why.

"But, Cora I need to know why".

Cora sighed sadly and said, "He made me feel wanted, Robert"

Robert's eyebrows shot up in a questioning look. Clearly he needed more than just that.

Cora continued, her voice shaky from limited crying, "He made me feel wanted, he listened to me Robert, he laughed with me, I needed someone to talk to Robert or I would've gone mad. It was almost like the first year of our marriage. I had no friends or no one to talk to. I was lonely. You have been my best friend since then and I never felt the need of making any other but you ignored me and never listened to any of my ideas or plans. The girls have grown up and they're busy in their own things and then you wouldn't talk to me and whenever you did, it had been a complaint about something and it just always always ended up in a silly argument. I was lonely Robert and I needed someone" Cora poured her heart out.

"Did you like him in that way? Because he obviously rated your relationship with him more than just friendship", Robert asked nervously. His own eyes becoming watery.

Just as Cora understood his deepest fear, she sat on her knees straightly and took his face in her hands. She wanted to kiss his lips, but she couldn't. Not now, not before she has explained.

"Oh no, darling, no never. He was just a friend. I should've listened to you when you warned me but I didn't realize that our slightly flirty conversations would lead to any of this. I've been stupid, darling,I'm truly sorry". Her eyes welled up again and this time she didn't try to hide her streams of tears. Her voice shaky and her hands trembled on his face but she continued nevertheless.

"He was nothing to me. He was just someone who listened to me. I agree, I wanted to make you jealous which is partly the reason I invited him here again. I thought maybe if you'll get jealous, you'd talk to me or just at least hold me close but you didn't. I needed you and I missed you. I miss you and I need you, now and forever. No one can replace you, not now, not ever. Robert please believe me, you're everything and he's nothing"

Robert looked at her honest innocent eyes, he felt her trembling hands and saw her quivering lips. And then he knew, he can and he will. Now.

"Oh my darling!", he moved his face to kiss her palm. He held out his arms like he did all those years ago and Cora jumped straight into his embrace.

His face was on her neck, he was unaware of his own tears dampening her night dress.

"I am so sorry", he said as he stroked her back gently. Her body was shaking and she let out all her tears. He kissed the bare skin of her shoulders several times until she calmed down a bit.

"My darling, I'm so sorry, I am such a fool. I should've known. You're Cora, you're my angel, my whole world and I ignored and shut you out, I'm terribly sorry. I'm pathetic, please forgive me, my darling"

Cora moved her face to look at his face. His face was red and his tears were coming out in streams.

She kissed his eyelids, making Robert sigh. She used her fingers to shed away his tears and grinned at him.

"Yes, you are a fool. But you're my fool, my handsome, beautiful, sexy fool".

The last adjective caused Robert to grin as well. He joined his forehead with her, taking in her sweet scent.

Earlier that night, he used Isis as the excuse to tell what's in his heart but now, having his angel so near to him, he promised to be the kind of husband she deserves. She have loved and supported him, through thick and thin and it was high time he did the same. He can say it, he thought. Now.

"I love you, Cora".

His eyes were closed but he could feel Cora smiling as their foreheads remained joined.

"I love you too, my fool. More than you can possibly know".

Robert backed a bit to look into her eyes as the long lost light restored in them.

"Although I must say, it was very attractive when you hit him with your strong arms", She mischievously grinned.

"I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come on time". Cora continued.

Robert's face fell again, and he cupped Cora's face, "I'm so sorry, darling. I should have been the one to protect you and I failed to do so. If he had hurt you.."

Cora placed her index finger on his lips, cursing herself for unknowingly saying it. She didn't mean it that way but he thought it.

"Shh!", she made him quiet and continued, "You didn't fail. You saved me, okay? You did. As always and as I said , don't be hard on yourself, for my sake"

"But Cora.."

"No! Sshh! I'm tired of arguing. We've been arguing for the better part of the last few months, I'm exhausted"

"Yes, that too", Robert sighed.

"Now be a good husband and kiss me!", she smiled at him and Robert's eyes lit up at the thought.

"Whatever you say, Milady".

Robert grinned mischievously and Cora giggled as Robert took her waist and pulled her up into a passionate kiss. Cora sat on his lap, covering his neck with her arms and Robert running his hands up and down Cora's back.

They only pulled apart to catch a much needed breath.

Robert stroked her cheeks and said, "I love you"

"I love you too, my knight, my life, my love"

They both giggled as Robert intentionally fell back on the bed, making Cora squeak in surprise.

They both spent the night, making up for the past dreadful months. Full of love, full of passion. Full of Robert and full of Cora.

Sometimes loosing something precious opens a door for something even greater and no matter what, Robert would trade anything to have Cora in his arms, smiling, laughing and happy. Because that's what he lived for. Now and forever.


End file.
